Sometimes I talk way too much. Words just come rushing out of my mouth like I'm afraid I might suddenly become forever mute and I have to get out these last few thoughts RIGHT NOW REALLY FAST. It probably has something to do with my intense fear of being misunderstood (the same fear that keeps me from calling people I don't know very well on the phone...you should see the meltdowns I have about calling to order pizza if you don't believe me). I feel like, once I have someone's attention and I want them to know something, I'll just go (zoom!) and hopehopehope they don't roll their eyes or start looking around because then that means they aren't listening anymore and/or they're bored. And/or they don't get what I'm trying to say, which is even worse.
Today was a talking-too-much day. First I (Tool of the Month that I am) practically made an APPOINTMENT to talk to Darty about some aerial class related stuff and almost immediately felt like an ass when we were finished and my lesson with Koala started. Because really, did I have to make her come to class 15 minutes early to go over stuff I could have casually brought up during the lesson? Or some other time? Then, on the ride home, I reiterated the entire discussion (and then some) to Koala like I was some sort of erupting Volcano of Minute Details or something. This after a couple of days ago when I went on and on with Britches about many of the same issues.
In the dark and quiet of my apartment, my own voice is echoing in my head and I feel silly. Okay, I'll shut up now.
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Shh...Did you hear that? It was the sound of my priorities shifting.
2 comments:
we all feel that way sometimes... I'm sure it's not as bad as you remember it
you are not silly...women's study expert that you are---i read once that it's a female thing to discuss issues with multiple people...not always for a solution, but to rework it by retelling it. it's healthy and great to communicate. maybe you are silly...
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